Play-The Magnificent Adventures of Mothman and Chrysalis

The first scene of The Magnificent Adventures of Mothman and Chrysalis, performed by Hoopy Frood Productions, 2004.

Scene One

The Charity Ball.

(Various socialites mill about the stage.)

ANNOUNCER: The Annual Aparo City Charity Ball always brings out the wealthiest citizens the city has to offer. Including millionaire playboy Drake Anderson and his youthful ward Julie Adams (DRAKE and JULIE are revealed), who are secretly the caped crime fighters Mothman and Chrysalis.

DRAKE: Well, Dixon, it certainly looks like a good turn out this year.

DIXON: Anything’s better than that fiasco we had last year with the Bee-Master.

JULIE: We-I mean-Mothman and Chrysalis sure put the whammy on him, though.

DRAKE: That they did, chum. That they did.

DIXON: If you’ll excuse me.

DRAKE: Of course.

(DIXON approaches a podium, which has been placed UR.)

DIXON: H-hello? Is this thing on? Of course it’s on, I can hear myself over the speakers. Thanks to your generous donations this evening, we’ve raised over fifty million dollars for the Aparo City Orphanarium!

(There is much applause. PIRATE 1 enters wearing an eyepatch on his right eye.)

PIRATE 1: Rrrr.

(PIRATE 2 enters wearing an eyepatch on his left eye.)

PIRATE 2: Rrrr.

(PIRATE 3 enters wearing an eyepatch on his both eyes.)

PIRATE 3: Ssss.

(PIRATES 1 & 2 stare at PIRATE 3 in disbelief.)

PIRATE 1: Rrrr.

PIRATE 2: Rrrr.

PIRATE 3: Oooo. Rrrr.

PIRATES 1 & 2: Yesss.

PIRATES: Rrrr.

DIXON: What is the meaning of this?

PIRATE 1: We be pirates.

PIRATE 2: And this be a hold up.

PIRATE 3: Hand over th’ loot and no one walks th’ plank.

DRAKE: Quickly, Julie.

JULIE: Right.

(DRAKE and JULIE exit rather hurriedly.)

DIXON: You’re pirates.

PIRATES: Aye.

DIXON: Pirates?

PIRATE 1: We needed a gimmick.

PIRATE 2: And we just saw Curse o’ th’ Black Pearl.

PIRATE 3: That Johnny Depp is dreamy.

DIXON: Pirates.

PIRATE 1: Look matey, let me put it another way.

PIRATE RAP

(Sung by all three pirates in four part harmony)

It’s hard to be a pirate in this day and age

But da’ nine t’ five grind feels like we trapped in a cage

So we quit our jobs at th’ local Target

And bought these new clothes from a costume set

We were pirates

We were mean

We were vicious and cruel

But da’ biggest body of water we could find was a pool

Forsakin’ the high seas, we turned to crime

Drinkin’ Coronas with tiny slices o’ lime

We spend our days lookin’ for booty

And once we find our treasure, we’ll look for some cuties

Oh, yeah.

All th’ pirates in th’ house go, “Rrrr.”

So here we end our tale o’ woe and tragedy

How we ditched our jobs and turned t’ piracy

But enough o’ this rap, ‘tis getting hard to rhyme

We’re gonna stop it now because it’s time…to steal

Word

Peace Out

PIRATE 1: Hand over the booty.

(Enter MOTHMAN and CHRYSALIS)

MOTHMAN: I don’t think so, you perfidious, pilfering purveyors of piracy.

CHRYSALIS: You tell ‘em, Mothman!

PIRATE 3: Uh oh, it’s the hooded heroes, Mothman and Chrysalis!

PIRATE 2: Get ‘em.

(A fight ensues between the PIRATES and our heroes. They make quick work of the PIRATES, which is good if you’re a fan of heroics but bad if you like pirates. I, myself, am on the fence about this one.)

DIXON: Thank you, Mothman, Chrysalis. You just saved the Aparo City Orphanarium.

CHRYSALIS: Think nothing of it, citizen.

MOTHMAN: Yes. The real heroes are the ones who raised the money in the first place, like Drake Anderson.

DIXON: (eyeing MOTHMAN) Anderson. Right.

MOTHMAN: Now, if you’ll excuse us.

DIXON: Yes, of course.

MOTHMAN: To the Mothmobile, Chrysalis.

CHRYSALIS: Right, Mothman.

(MOTHMAN and CHRYSALIS exit.)

DIXON: Of all the arrogant sons of….